im bored as shit and im waiting for a dude to show up to fix our water cus theres no cold water comming into our apartment so im girlblogging

i recently got rimworld, good gaem, vinny vinesauce got me into it, i bought 2 of the dlcs which was nice and i cant tell whats base game and whats mods anymore

i also recently finished dramatical murder, i did not read any of the content warnings before i played it and it has done damage to my brain i just wanted to see boys kiss. i liked it tho, the music is good

i also almost broke up with my bf in February, wasnt fun, but i think we are better now bc i had computer boy to help me

ive started transitioning more recently too, came out properly to 2 of my closest (and only) irl friends and they do go between calling me a dude and a girl its nice considering they dont understand that well

i will also be planning new css today wish me an attention span of more than 20 minutes

ok goobbye

im gonna make a separate blog for holiday shit, its just this is the one moment in the past 2 weeks ive had time to process shit in my head

exams are over, thank fuck, i didnt really bomb any but i didnt pass as well as i probably should have. oh well. i barely got to see anyone before i left but i remembered texting is a thing so yay.

uhhh a few weeks ago... not remembering how long, computer boy ended up hella venting to me during class n told me some very heavy shit and. honestly? im kinda losing my mind that he trusts me this much n felt like it was ok to tell me so much abt himself. still losing my mind tbh. having someone you like kinda look up to doing that kinda thing, i might just be sick in the head and overreacting tho.

boyfriend got me too many things for christmas and judging by the questions and conversations we had weeks before i think one of them might be Gordie or Guzma pokemon related. i love it when guys lean into my delusions and love of big men. i have no idea what else he got me, but i suck at surprises he asked me for HD joker and evil dead rise DVDs and a steam gift card so i stressed about getting those literally yesterday, the day before Christmas. i hope we meet up for the holidays, i really need someone to be around this time of year and i think if i have to be around my dad any longer i will go crazy insane kill someone

uhhhhh didnt get to celebrate the solstice cus this country has like straight up banned lighting fires so there goes my fucking beliefs holidays, we were planning on bringing an old sofa to a beach and lighting it but we didn't have the time sadly. hopefully next year. but happy new year lol

HI END OF HISTORY HAVE TO LOOK LIKE IM TYPING

my boyfirnd came over to my place last wednesday and we. had fun, my dad then brought us out for food when we was going home...... and then i gave my bf a cold so both of us wernt in school the next day. oops! i have exams on the fucking 19 and im crying i hate this sm why didnt i study last week aauaughhh... my bf is also still injured sadly, i thought it would only last a short while but its looking like its not :[

uhhhhhh aswell apparently i havent been out for 21+ days YET, my schools councilor just told my social worker for some fucking reason... and she wonders why i tell both of them nothing. still stressed as fuck about it so ill be taking another day off school hehe

uhhhhh what fucking else, uhhhhhhhhh OH i have computers next so yay computer sci boy :] barely talked to him this week i hope hes not mad at me for being out lolol, im so behind in the work from being out and. just not doing homework but im too silly to give a shit

ok byyeee i have 3 minutes left of class byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

more sad ass blogging, sorry <2

i need to look like im typing smthing and i dont wanna do my work so im girlblogging

ive offically been out of school for a collective 21+ days, they contacted my socialworker of all people instead of my dad so woopie

my boyfriend has finally given me a reason for why hes been so distant so were gonna meet up hopefully next week, he injured himself on the weekend and some bellend in his class was making fun of him and trying to get people to stop talking to him... i so bady wanna break this dickheads nose but im thiiiiis close to being kicked out that if i did i would without a doubt not get away with "it was self defence".

ive got christmas exams in like 2 weeks too, im absolutely NOT ready, like im not doing work lol, so uh wish me a 40% at least

uhh i have computer study later on so yay computer sci boy will talk to me, i havent talked to him in a while and recently hes been comming to me with girl problems and i think i have an idea what girl hes on abt and im ngl.. not impressed, but like who am i to judge lol. but like aswell i dont really know who it is so i cant judge at all. uhhhh i was scared he wasnt gonna be in 2day but he was just late so yay :] i get to talk to someone

uhhhhh i have nothing else to day and i have 5 minutes left so maybe ill add more in computers later ok bye

ill try be less depressing today lol

i may have completely given up at school but recently ive gotten into writing kinda, something happened to my head about 3 years ago and i find it hard to picture things in my head now so not being able to day dream or be creative has been an issue for me since, and ive never been interested in reading or writing up untill now. i feel like its the only thing i have left to get the things i wanna spin in my head like a microwave out so i can spin them, im still shit at it ofc but like its nice to do these things again because day dreaming has been a source of comfort for me ever since i was a kid

im also having alot of luck socially now too, i havent had this many people i talk to in so long, yeah i still feel hella alienated and paranoid but ive like 4 people i speak to now and its nice. still that guy in my computer class scares me, i can completely open my self up to him while he does too to me and it scares me so much, hes so cool and nice, i still feel like im tricking myself somehow with how much i kinda... look up to him?? thinking hes trustworthy cus of that, again im incredibly delusional and paranoid so it might just be that. both me and him have so many problems in common, and i do want to talk to him more and more but again, The Devil says hes using me... do you ever feel like you want to look after someone and have someone trust you but it never getting past being platonic? it feels like that, i just want someone to trust me again, its hard since i lost all the people who i thought trusted and loved me. its dumb i know, and this guy knows about this page here and im deathly scared he will read these and stop talking to me.

the other guy at my bus stop, he talks to both computer class boy and another one of my friends, ive started talking to him more, and everything he says might be a sex joke but hes kinda good craic so why should i complain, hes normally around another guy, i dont really know him but hes on my bus too, he also makes sex jokes alot, often at my expense, but ig thats what i get for looking the way i do and being around teenage boys...

my boyfriend currently has a cold but i wanna see if i can come over and watch movies with him or something if his parents let me, i dont think i wanna socialise outside school for now, it feels like too much, all i really need is his attention and the gay people in my phone to keep me from locking myself away from the world completely. recently ive been getting alot of "wow youre 17???"s from people, and i know its cus i look so young, im short and i act like a kid too often, but it kinda upsets me that its that way, people get weird when i say my boyfriend is 18 untill i say im 17, its uncomfortable knowing people think that im a child

i have really nothing else to add, ive been eating alot of leftover pizza lately and its the best thing ive had ever, i kinda wanna bring my boyfriend out to dinner tho, its been ages since i ate out of went on a date with him, so that would be nice

slightly less depressing blog whaaaat?????

anyway i managed to FINALLY convince my yearhead that the school jumpers make me want to tear my skin off and for her to allow me to not wear it today so now i get to rub it in the teacher of my study class that Actually Sir... i am allowed break the rules, i have permission so SUCK my balls. accept the last part, wish i could leave that in cus hes a total bellend n i hate him but eh, getting to wear my jacket in a freezing cold, uninsulated classroom is good enough

i might end up going to my doctor again and asking to get refered for a ADD assessment along side the ASD one im on already, maybe 14 year old me was on to something after all, its 100% ASD yeah but like id like to get the right diagnosis...es the first time rather than the second or... tenth...

OH YEAH the guy i mentioned b4 in my last sad ass blog post, i recommended WAR by EVABOY to him n he really liked it, sm that he said it was in his top 10 songs recommended to him, which im very happy abt, i dunno if i mentioned it, i still get the feeling like im getting hit by a truck when this guy says im his friend or he says hi to me in the hall. delusion and The Devil have been telling me i cant trust him cus he still talks to some scumbags who were part of the group of people who sexualised me and my self identification around rabbits, like calling me a zoophile and a bottom in public, made jokes abt a guy in that group "railing" me and along with all that completely fetishising my lack of physical gender transition, then completely dumped me out of the blue last year even tho they also made shit up abt him aswell, which ill never understand still talking to people who do that kinda shit.... shit this was ment to be a happy blog uhhhh... i get to have class with him tomorrow so thats good, but The Devil keeps telling me im being used to get more shit on me.

im gonna try fight the awful loud ass weekend speakers blasting music in the city here n go to that thrift shop i like that has all the old 40 year old rave shit, or maybe just button ups again... ik im like the only irish person on here, let alone the only corkonian, but nine crows fucks so hard when it comes to vintage clothes, makes me feel like my weird chubby slightly masculine build ass can pull off a short skirt.
ive absolutely no style, im like a 6 shirts, 3 pairs of jeans kinda guy so getting nice clothes is always cool

uhhhhhh if i think of anything nice ill add it here uhhhhhh

long time no blogging huh

well so far school is still ass, people still suck but ive found some people who suck alot less so thats nice.. my boyfriend turned 18 back in october so yay, ive got another few months until im crippled by the fear of having to make money to keep myself alive, he doesnt tho hes got some kind of special job thing secured, lucky him. i have to get my hair cut soon too so i might get it dyed the same red thats on my profile again, but i really dont know how short i want it and i really just dont wanna think abt it...

i hate winter in this country, and just in general, my bus home is always late so its dark by the time i get home at 5 pm, its also fucking freezing all the time, i dont wear my school jumper cus of sensory shit so im just left to freeze to death ig, ive got company at the bus stop now tho, not sure if i enjoy being around him but hes nice and kinda gross funny so i get along w/ him. beggars cant be choosers ig, i wanted friends so ig i cant complain, i still only talk to like... 3 people including my own boyfriend... that sounds sadder than i wanted it to sound huh

i started drawing again too, my anatomy is getting better but i still cant ever make something i like, its been like 3 years since i actually liked my art or been confident in it, ive just opted for doodling on mspaint and on my copies. im also doing shit with wires in computers n thats fun. m also trying to learn html but i hate it, ive a friend who works on websites as his job n i feel so inferior to him in so many ways its nuts its really killing my will to do anything but watch, especially when im ment to work alongside him for things, hes cool, i really like being around him but like... damn man... im meant to paint his nails some time so i hope that can help me feel better being around him...

oh yeah shit and my school got sent a fake threat n armed gardi showed up n i had a panic attack in the park near my school cus we were all sure it was ment to be a bomb threat

damn do i ever have good news uhhhh... i got into EVABOY ig, i started listening to more music too, more than just the stuff i recognise, i really dont have good news this month other than that n my boyfriend being an adult now... i guess i also kinda sorta figured out i might be polyamourous?? i mean only from judging from past stuff, ive no real eyes for anyone but my boyfriend atm... uhhhhh what fucking else???? nah i got nothing, who knew complaining was easier than not huh

i just gotta find some furry edm album to base it off of ig

i might have only started like a week ago but like. i gotta be honest basic python shit feels easier than html..
idk if its cus i find it more readable but god DAMN..

like damn. im already thinking of buying a house and getting a job and living with someone and like. actually doing stuff. this sucks ASS. schools not helping either its just making me feel like its a 80 foot wall i have to scale just so i can actually do stuff. im either sleeping or doing homework while these twats constantly scream at me about how i HAVE to think of collage and work and also i should spend 24 hours a day studying for an exam i have in 2 years. and if i cant do that i should just drop out. like holy fuck what

its weird being treated like my age for once too, instead my height.. if that makes sense. i look very feminine but i dont wear any makeup, im about 5 foot 4, i dont act very mature, just quiet, so im used to people being surprised when i tell them im 17, fuck even im surprised im 17... like wdym im still 13...

holy shit n my boyfriend is 18 next month (i thiiiink??? im such a bad partner i forgot his birthday...), he absolutely looks his age which is probably jarring for people to see us as a couple, but i think he makes me seem moreless like my age

im also getting closer to being in a place where i can be a little more open about things like being trans and gay, alot of my friends take it very well, my boyfriend has completely embraced me being trans now which makes me insanely happy. like holy fuck wdym i dont have to follow the rules my dad has around me cutting my hair or dressing "like a fella" in like less than a year???....

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM GOING TO BE AN ADULT IN LESS THAN A YEAR.

next year im the big scary 18, im now a senior in school n i have to do shit for leaving cert, i actually have to worry about being the wrong age to see any pediatricians that ive already been on the list for for about 1 n a half years... i have to worry about shit like money now and travel, i have a boyfriend i gotta implement into my life now too

yet regardless all that i feel more like a child than ive ever felt in the past few years, maybe its because things are finally going ok-ish and i can calm down more and can drop the needing to grow up faster stuff the past few years has taught me, im getting into plushies, im watching cartoons again, im drawing ponies and cats and love hearts all over my books, im dressing more masculine but i still look younger.

maybe im infantilising myself, maybe im just letting myself do my own thing without worrying, who cares, ive only got one more year to be a kid and maybe thats what i wanna do

i am 17 now yay

soon i think
idfk
yay

GO NOW GO GO DO IT GO NOW GO NOW

➡️➡️➡️➡️ CHIYO ⬅️⬅️⬅️⬅️

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very nice very cool

time flys
happy birthday shoebox

had my first kiss lets go girlies

stayed out w/ my new bf after school n we ended up making out in the park lol

i feel sorry for the poor old guy who walked his dog past us

it was so cool tho ive never done that to anyone aaaaaa

WHY??

schools wild

cried like 5 times today to a dude who probably likes me about a guy who probably doesnt like me also because i was sad noone was talking to me this morning for some reason..

uh i had a dream a few nights ago that i was on some kind of drag-ish type show and i was on a team with trixie mattel and i kept fucking up and embarrassing her and its fucked me up in the head a little since

uh i also think i developed a new tic but this time its a vocal one and it kinda just sounds like "shoo" which is funny cus it already looks like im sneezing half the time when im having a fit.

uhhh im going to see the barbie movie for my birthday even tho its like 2 weeks after it

oh yeah and i completed my free therapy thingy for my anxiety n tics and i lied alot on the test at the end but apparently im not in a dangerous spot anymore but i lied so who knows

thats all i think thank you bye bye

yippee

i moved house to a different town thats alot closer to where i used to live b4 my mam kicked me out, like i can see that towns watertowers on the hills in the distance from where i am now, feels gross i dont like it.

nice house tho, smaller, less rooms, but the rooms are bigger than our previous ones, house isnt rotting away either like the last n there isnt as much iron and lime in our water here. we're nearer to shops too so i can actually shop for my own food instead of living off what shit my dad can cook like burger and... burger..

i dont have a school bus anymore either sadly so i have to pay for that shit now, dont wanna move schools tho cus ive got some genuine friends now n theres a nice fella there who i think fancies me back. also cus moving school is just more hassle i dont wanna deal with rn

just a heads up incase i remove a bunch of "rude" things from my page
ion wanna get detention :[

why do these kind of sites attract so many furries

hell yeah baby

there was lots of things about ms93 i hated, but one of the things i hated the most was templates.

now thats the only shit im seeing on here

what the fuck