https://i.imgur.com/Zg5Edgx.png

https://i.imgur.com/kOkyqkh.gif

Much to your delight, your COMPUTER is still operational and your FILES are still intact. It also seems like one of your CHUMS is pestering you.

> John: Open Pesterchum.

https://i.imgur.com/chv3QKN.png

You're more worried than panicked right now. You hope all your FILES are ok. You're not really sure what happened but it definitely wasn't good.

> John: Turn your computer back on.

https://i.imgur.com/ndItTja.gif

> John: Try not to panic.

https://i.imgur.com/DHte1Us.png

≠>

https://i.imgur.com/aapQVxk.gif

It seems your SYSTEM needs your attention. You're not sure what it needs from you, but it seems urgent.

≠>

https://i.imgur.com/i4QPPa4.png

You are sick to death of cake!!! You've been eating it all day. And you have no intention of clogging your SYLLADEX with it either. The CAKE stays put for now.

You hear a notice from your COMPUTER. It doesn't exactly sound like a message. You wonder what's caused it to make that mysterious sound.

> John: Check mysterious notification.

https://www.homestuck.com/images/storyfiles/hs2/00020.gif

PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX.

I SAID, PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX.

WHY COULDN'T YOU PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX?

> John: Eat cake.

https://www.homestuck.com/images/storyfiles/hs2/00019_1.gif

https://www.homestuck.com/images/storyfiles/hs2/00019_2.gif

You use the HAMMER, NAILS, and POSTER on the blank space on the wall.

It's glorious. Exactly what you wanted. The old man really came through this time.

> John: Examine Con Air poster.

https://i.imgur.com/C0Cg5ok.png

Another BIRTHDAY ARTIFACT. You wonder what is printed on the poster.

You should probably hang it on your wall.

> John: Nail poster to wall.

https://i.imgur.com/HXNODhf.png

Your father, for some ungodly reason, insists on using this god awful font for his business cards. You still appreciate the LOVING BIRTHDAY NOTE though.

Beside the note is a ROLLED UP POSTER.

> John: Pick up the poster.

https://i.imgur.com/SLjBI0N.gif

You MERGE the top two cards.

The HAMMER and NAILS are now captchalogued on the same card and can be used together.

Well so much for experimentation.

> John: Read note on drawer.

https://i.imgur.com/7niKkks.png

You captchalogue the hammer and nails, taking up your remaining open captchalogue cards. You wonder what will happen if you try to pick up anything else.

> John: Combine hammer and nails.

https://i.imgur.com/HER3Zdf.png

You're right. You should get your lazy ass up and get something done! You should probably finish up picking the stuff in your room up though.

> John: Pick up the hammer and nails.

https://i.imgur.com/Gy1Cd6r.png

You log onto SPOTIFY WEB PLAYER, the online version and direct competitor to FreshJamz!
You turn on some Weezer, as you seem to be in the mood for some Alternative Rock.

https://open.spotify.com/track/2MLHyLy5z5l5YRp7momlgw?si=c9cc3d4ed3824562

> John: stop messing around and get down to business. cover yourself in oil, and fly away.

https://i.imgur.com/HlQ1Y4x.gif

You go to TURBOTAX DOT COM to file your taxes online but are unable to due to your lack of EMPLOYMENT.

You should really get a job.

> John: Listen to Weezer

https://i.imgur.com/U0sWdmU.gif

You also decide to watch the entirety of DELTARUNE CHAPTER ONE. If you like this video, you can check out UNDERTALE. There is also a sequel to this video, check out CHAPTER TWO.

> John: File your taxes online.

https://i.imgur.com/TUm9VJZ.png

Of all the things you could watch on YOUTUBE, you decide to watch FNF SONIC.JAR SCARY.

Why? Just, Why?

> John: Watch the entirety of Deltarune (chapter one).

https://i.imgur.com/HER3Zdf.png

https://i.imgur.com/AxHToIs.gif

You pull up to your COMPUTER. This is where you spend most of your time. You decorated your desktop with some rather handsome WALLPAPER which you made yourself. You are really proud of it.

Your desktop is also littered with various PROGRAMMING PROJECT FILES. You are so bad at programming sometimes you wonder why you even bother with it.

You decide to open the TYPHEUS WEB-BROWSER to do some web surfing.

> John: Watch friday night funkin sonic.jar mod videos.

https://i.imgur.com/kNITBYr.png

You think about the PLAYBOY MAGAZINES you have hidden under your bed. You contemplate getting them out for a moment, but end up not feeling like it.

> John: Get on your computer

https://i.imgur.com/deAJwTt.gif

You stow the SMOKE PELLETS on one of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS in your SYLLADEX.

You still aren't totally sure what that means, but you are starting to get the hang of the vernacular at least.

You have two empty CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS remaining.

> John: Look at smut.

https://i.imgur.com/mWg1HDG.gif

In here you keep an array of humorous and mystical ARTIFACTS, each one a devastating weapon in the hands of a SKILLED MAGICIAN or a CUNNING PRANKSTER.

You are neither of these things.

Among the ARTIFACTS are: TWO (2) FAKE ARMS [CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX], ONE (1) PAIR OF TRICK HANDCUFFS, ONE (1) STUNT SWORD, ONE (1) MAGICIAN'S HAT, ONE (1) PAIR OF BEAGLE PUSS GLASSES, SEVERAL (~) SMOKE PELLETS, SEVERAL (~) BLOOD CAPSULES, and ONE (1) COPY OF COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY, and ONE (1) COPY OF HARRY ANDERSON'S "WISE GUY", BY MIKE CAVENEY.

Some of this stuff may come in handy at some point. For now, you decide to just take the SMOKE PELLETS.

> John: Captchalogue smoke pellets.

https://i.imgur.com/xrvINfS.gif

https://i.imgur.com/ZSmQ5L0.gif

You retrieve your FAKE ARMS from the chest. You use these for HILARIOUS ANTICS.

You CAPTCHALOGUE them in your SYLLADEX. You have no idea what that actually means though.

There are other items in the chest.

> John: Examine contents of chest.

https://i.imgur.com/Qeq8p2s.gif

Out of sympathy for John's perceived lack of arms, you pick up the CAKE for him and put it on his BED.

> John: Quickly retrieve arms from MAGIC CHEST.

https://i.imgur.com/DIYpGX3.gif

Your ARMS are in your MAGIC CHEST, pooplord!

> Remove CAKE from MAGIC CHEST.

https://i.imgur.com/v5E6Mkc.gif

Why would you even think to do that?!!!

IDIOT IDIOT IDIOT.

And yet the polished wooden handle of the hammer...

It beckons.

> John: Quickly retrieve arms from drawer.

https://i.imgur.com/koz30o1.gif

Your name is JOHN. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of CAKES are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES. You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE, and are an aspiring AMATEUR MAGICIAN. You also like to play GAMES sometimes.

What will you do?

> John: Eat hammer.

https://i.imgur.com/33t0zfP.gif

> Examine room.

https://i.imgur.com/rTWTATJ.gif

> Try again.

https://i.imgur.com/W0ZU7HT.gif

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, 2009, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

What will the name of this young man be?

> Enter name.