farewells 04/27/2023

My farewell address to my college debate society. Fits another theme.

ten years ago, ensconced in my first teenage spring, hank and john green, lawrence krauss, ken burns, and my dad sparked my learning. that's the earliest moment I can think of where I sought knowledge, challenged my ignorance, and approached the world. as a boy I ran all over my corner of west georgia, the sunlight sending glistening currents of joyous wandering wonder that dazzled what life could be onto the world around me. at dusk the trees whispered as the night itself breathed, transforming the daytime world into an enclave of solitude and personable stillness. when I wasn't busting street lights and putting dents in garages, I thought about the moon and the human cosmos that swirled around. I thought about the people who might also know and love this life, and I dreamt about finding someone to share it with. I'm glad I knew nothing of college or Demosthenian then, because the surprise and elation of finding it was better than any excited anticipation. Demosthenia, you have fulfilled a part of a young boy's hope - thank you.

I've been coming to Athens every summer for the United Methodist Annual Conference since 2009 - I have family buried outside of town - I have history and what could have been in the rubble a few blocks over. I know some trivia and some stories, but none of it is mine. None of it has anything to do with me. all I did was peer in, witness, and wonder. my true uga and demosthenian story starts in the summer of 2017 at berry college for GHP, when I sat down in a social studies class next to some tall motherfucker. he told me that the Nazi's were this close to building a nuclear bomb, and I retorted that the Nazi's were too racist to even pursue nuclear physics aka judenmagick. as two people who are both wrong tend to do, we argued without resolution. it was some of the most fun I have ever had, and it meant the world to me then. 0 and I's friendship began in disagreement and it is something I have cherished ever since because I know that not only is he a smart guy that I'm debating with, he's also a good man. when we disagree, I know it is because we are both desperate to do the best we can, and in a world as broken and scarred as ours, you will come up with different and sometimes opposing ideas. politics and policy, if even for just a moment, become moot when you know you and the other person want to build a world worth living in. decision-making, leadership, and simply being an adult are hard, and over my tumultuous four years since starting college, I am grateful to have had 0 around. thank you for being my friend, 0. I'm glad to have met you and I wish you the very best.

0 invited me to Demosthenian in August 2019. a few hours after he hit me up on groupme that day, my brother texted me that 0, a buddy of his when he went to GHP, wanted me to come to PK. I told 0 that Demosthenian got to me first and I had to go with my GHP guy. I randomly sat down up here next to a childhood friend who recognized me but could only remember my webkinz username, and then 0 and 0, two great Villa Ricans, came and sat by me. marvelous coincidence and good company were plenty enough reason to make my decision on the societies, and I stayed. I spoke at nearly every meeting I attended, which was a lot, and even crashed the ANM, but I never joined. I was too scared about the maiden speech, because that young, wide-eyed boy inside me had so much to say and look and wish for. I didn't think I could ever find the words, and once I finally did, it was on Thursday, March 5th, 2020. I planned on polishing the speech over spring break and joining Thursday, March 19th. then the world ended, on my calendar, on march 12th. shit happens.

the speech I wrote was a bit like this one - an explanation of where I came from, why I did what I did before, and what I wanted to do now. I talked about the Academic Decathlon, and how when I was a freshman in high school, the seniors on that team changed my life by hanging out with me, accepting me, and just by being themselves. by showing me what I could be, that things would get better, that I had something to aspire to. I wanted, in my maiden speech, to give thanks to those who inspired me and to celebrate the personal trait that helped me then and, I hoped, would help me in demosthenia. I resolved to speak on that trait that I, quote, "held near and dear; I am an idiot". I am an idiot! I don't think that's a stretch of the imagination, and what I meant by it is this.

I wanted to be honest, sincere, forthright. I wanted to do what I could on the way to whatever I could become, and that meant not waiting for the perfect moment. not waiting until I was perfect, until I knew exactly what to do and say. I wanted to live and be in three dimensions - I didn't want to be wrapped up in where I was coming from, blind to where I was, or anxious about where I was going. one might see that as bold or authentic, and another would see it as foolhardy, inconsiderate, and unexamined. both sides are, of course, true. it's the same coin. and that's the me I didn't quite get to be. the pandemic and some home circumstances meant growing up quickly once again, and so I say to you, at the end of my time here, don't grow up too fast. there's a lot you can do right now and in the coming semesters, and the potential amongst y'all is extraordinary. 0's a better debater than me now and 0 came in better, 0's a young executive, 0 has got a lot going on up there, and 0 is gonna beat me to being published. and that's just amongst those of you youngins I've gotten to know personally. as you've all certainly heard from teachers and faculty before, I want to affirm as a friend and peer - there is so much that each of you can accomplish and become. so, when I talk about my time at dls and give my final words, I hope the perspective I offer is useful.

I have been a member for four semesters and an officer for three. I have grown as a speaker, debater, conversationalist, and leader in my time here, and each of you will grow in those traits in your own ways. you will each fulfill your excellence as you see fit, and I don't believe I need to tell you how. likewise, I want to talk about something that is often hard to talk about and thus not often talked about, and that's fucking up. in dls and college generally, I have made mistakes, gotten in over my head, and been in situations where I had no idea how to resolve them. as an officer, I have at times been shortsighted, unfocused, negligent, and harsh. I have made messes and at times hurt people, and though I have certainly done my best to apologize and make things right whenever I realize I have messed up, it matters that I say this all publicly, so that that when any of you fail, which you will, fear, shame, and regret will not prevent you from making things right. this is not me trying to be melodramatic or fish for assurance, I have my self-esteem and on the whole I'm comfortable with how I've done, but I was not perfect. you will not be perfect either. do not let this stop you from taking on work and responsibility, because imperfection is inevitable. rather, walk humbly, do your best, ask for help, and when you mess up, ask for forgiveness and make things right. then, forgive others as you would ask them to forgive you. find friends who will tell you hard truths and not only hold you accountable for your failures, but also help you make them right. then, be the kind of friend who will do just the same. I did some good here, and I hope part of it is showing how to be good when you can't be perfect.

Much of what I messed up was because of my own flaws, but it was also because of the simple fact that leadership is difficult. answers are not always clear, if even visible at all, and there are times where even mundane matters can become precarious. we have been a close-knit group here, and as charming as that can be, it can also be a maze to maneuver. politics and friends don't mix, and this society's constitution sets us up to be a political professional society. there are unique opportunities to this, and there are also grave issues with it, which I will speak candidly on. our processes for internal resolution are vague and hazardously political. when we mess up procedure, we are often unprepared to redress it by virtue of our incomplete documents, as well as the fact that manifested institutional knowledge and experience regularly resets, placing responsibility on new heads every year who have few resources for support and guidance. critically, our constitution is utterly lacking regarding the uga student conduct policy, and we have little oversight regarding organizational matters. what goes on in this Hall and in this Society is typically amongst ourselves, and while that freedom is exciting, it is out of line with the standards and structures of campus life at a modern university. policies regarding student conduct and organizations are for our benefit, and we have fallen behind in integrating them into the Society. there is no compromising on student support and safety, and students are not the ones to provide these. that is the place of the faculty advisor and university officials. we, as students, are not qualified or empowered to decide guilt or dispense justice. it is paramount that we coordinate with the university to improve access to official resources and support while reforming our own internal processes to facilitate and center institutional cooperation and response. this is all out of my hands now, though, and so I wish to make this clear to the society as a whole and those who will soon lead it. I offer fervent prayers to your success.

on the topic of those who lead, when I came to demosthenia, I was, as I said, an idiot looking to be better. and if you want to be the best you can be, you don't go where you'll win when you walk in. you go where you'll have to compete. being around people who are smarter, more knowledgeable, and more articulate than me has made me better. the work to catch up here has been worth it, and my time here has given me experience that I would have struggled to find anywhere else. I have grown because I have been willing to be humbled and to fail forwards. I did what I could until I learned how to do what I couldn't. I haven't changed the world, I do not mean to imply anything grandiose about my time here, but I have gained so much. whether it's been formal debate, democratic organization, midday discussions, or late night deepdives, this has been an enriching institution since I walked in the door.

thank you for being a place I could come to learn, grow, and know. this is mighty sentimental, but I mean it. however, I do not mean to make this place something it isn't. this is not my whole life - this is not my whole college. and this isn't the peak - this society will someday be a dot in a constellation of a life of learning and love. dls is not my everything nor would I ever wish it to be, because that would undermine what makes it special. as demosthenians, we should not seek success here for success' sake. this society does not exist for its own benefit or glory - it exists to create better speakers, thinkers, and citizens for a world that needs them. what is good for the Society is what's good for people, not as privileged and esteemed members, but as students on their way to being a light in the world. whether it's about intellectual growth, oratorical excellence, or the excitement of community, make sure to put this place in context, not just at the university, but in your life. there is a world beyond here and you will have a life after it, whether that comes sooner or later. I say this because college is short, and college is hard.

in my experience, college was hard. the pandemic made many things difficult and simply disrupted a lot else, and likewise I had my time here cut quite short. I'm graduating and have spent only about two and a half years on campus. this was a brief, vivid, and tumultuous period. though I am a kid, I didn't get to be a kid here, and I regret that. this page turns and I am now in another chapter of life. I'm currently considering selling my guitars in order to put up a down payment for a car. it's that serious, that boring, and that final. so, as you're able, cherish yourselves and do what you ache for. this society can be wonderful, and so can a hell of a lot else in this city. whether you explore here or elsewhere, it's not worth wondering what could have been at the end of it, and adversity should not stop you, because, frankly, it will come for you anyway.

I'm getting towards the end here, so on the topic of adversity, I recommend cutting ties with PK for at least a year. they don't like us. they don't want to like us. they have no interest in liking us. they get more out of hating us than liking us. we take up substantially more space in their lore and rituals, and it's all negative. they have to not like us. it is a core part of their identity, and while we certainly appreciate the rivalry and I strongly believe that our relationship with them not only offers unique opportunities but also makes us better as a society, it is unacceptable to participate in an unequal relationship. conducting professional communication and negotiation with people who do not like you and have a vested interest in not liking you at this low-stakes level is truly a unique and valuable experience in dealing with adversity, and one I hate to give up. this is also a club, and the venom we get from PK is not worth the experience. it is unfair to expect all of our members to develop thick skin so that we can maintain relations with them while they get to act as mean as they want. when our members step out of line and act disgracefully, it is a dire sin. when they do, it's the status quo. I hold no personal ill will towards pk - they're literally just people. the secretive psychosis that grips the society across the way is as absurd as it is frustrating. if we were all at Georgia tech, we all could have been friends and literally never thought twice about it, except for the fact that tech kids can't make friends. I want us to be friends with PK, I like PK, there are remarkable speakers and debaters over there, and they have venerable traditions. their elitism and tribalism are not amongst them. their conception of us is unacceptable. we will treat each other as equals and with dignity or not at all.

what makes us equals is our humanity - what dignifies us is our debate. friends, the most valuable thing about the demosthenian literary society is Thursday night. there is a reason why it is the center of the society and why we do it every week. good debate elevates everything. it improves recruitment, it makes meetings more engaging, and it makes this Hall an exciting place to be. debates where everyone leaps to speak are when we make the jump from a discussion group to a debate society, from talkers to orators. if you want this society to grow and be the best it can be, you cannot fail in bringing your very best to debate. write resolutions, give some of the classic rez's in the database, directly respond to points being made that you disagree with, and step out of your comfort zone to make the room a dynamic space. the society is getting big again, and you have the chance to not only grow, but thrive.

the first step in creating great debate is learning. learning is what this society is founded on, and we don't debate based on ignorance. we don't structure our arguments based on gossip and guesswork. we go to the classics and the cutting edge. we go to the data and the literature, the prose and the poetry. though we get up here and bullshit with gusto and eloquence, we do not debate bullshit. it is not worth our time. bring what you learn in class, what you read, what you see at work, what you encounter in your research projects, what you hear in your spiritual and religious life, and what you're afraid of discussing around the dinner table. bring real questions, bring hard questions, and it will pay you and the society dividends. also, save the third rez for the third rez. letting humor and silliness bleed too much into the first two rez's diminishes debate and cheapens the third rez. you're supposed to be worn out by the time you get to the third rez so you get a fount of silliness pouring out. it's a reward.

and on the topic of rewards, I will now give the society the lamest reward of all - more fucking books. first is Polkinghorne's science and theology. though a little dated by now, it is still a useful text to begin considering science and theology, where they interact, where they scuffle, and what it means to approach life's greatest questions critically and humanely. On bullshit is a bit deceptive - it's a book about the word bullshit that is not entirely about the word bullshit. I read this before my first dls meeting after coming back to college and it taught me a lot about sincerity, being intentional, and what it means to be in other people's lives. I read Frankenstein in eighth grade while listening to mcr's first album, I brought you my bullets, you brought me your love, which was a formative moment for a young emo. it is a book, to me, about youth, loneliness, the sudden and damning acquisition of tremendous knowledge, isolation, and how to exist in a world where there simply is no place for you. it is an examination of the human condition in an age where the human condition is rapidly changing, where the world you die in will not be the world you were born in, and where life's mysteries are placed embarrassingly naked in front of you. this, to me, is about growing up. transit and the setting sun are two books that are in many ways inverse. transit is by a woman writing a man fleeing the axis at the height of their powers, setting sun is by a man writing a woman embracing the allies at the height of their powers. they discuss how to respond to great change, what it means to live in a world that flips itself upside down, what it means to commit suicide, and what hope can look like. transit is also my favorite book. lastly, entertaining ourselves to death. we simply consume too much media and most of it is garbage. I'm being a boomer and I don't care. I was raised on the internet, it was my closest and only friend for years, and it is not everything. as people, you can consume what you want. as a literary society, we must stay excellent. we must devote ourselves to textual, analytical, expository, and literary thought and expression. social media, memes, and other visual media aren't worthless, they are remarkable vessels of culture and sentiment, but they are not complete. they can bring attention to and raise important questions, but they are inferior in teaching you how to answer them.

now, the keys - the speaker key, for thoughts and ideas worth hearing and for a perspective I’m glad I got to look through. the nerd rage key, for passion and powerful intellect. the custodian key, for someone who pushes through and gets it done, cuz this hall is a mess. The cowboy key. Be who you are, partner.

history - this is the beginning of a new era. it actually is. the prepandemic people are nearly all gone, and the officer corps is now entirely postpandemic. a year from now, it'll be just y'all. I have spoken so directly to you because I am in a place to see this development but not act on it. I have thus given you my honest thoughts, and that is all I have. it is up to you. I believe in all of you, those I have named and those I have not. the Society has survived the pandemic and each of you can now make it excellent.

and now, the end. you might hear from me, you might not. by this past November, I knew I was farewelling regardless of whether or not I was staying at UGA. some things have their time and this was mine. there are other things I need to do. I have spoken here quite a bit these past few years, and now it is time for what comes next. in your lives, in this society, and anywhere else you might go, if you move in love and humility, though you will mess up, you'll have every reason, every motivation, and a chance to make things better. and that is where all great things begin. thank you and farewell.

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