the lost blog

I lost the password to my first account on this website. my old computer died and I had the password saved on it - whoops. it was some convoluted safe one, given the history of this service. no shade to F46N, I'm sure their ship is tight. I think it's just important to learn lessons when they're handed to you.

that blog was supposed to be literary. I wanted to try to find a way to lean into the medium, write on here a little more intentionally. do something I didn't know how to - write. but, I didn't know how to. couldn't find the time. and I wasn't really engaged with the site. 93 grew every day, and though I wasn't super interactive, I certainly was engaged. present. this time, it was less. there wasn't as much going on on here and a whole lot more going on outside. simply couldn't get it going. not until recent.

my first blog on here disappeared. it was about something I cared about, it was about my past few years, it was about where I'm from. it was pretty revealing. had it been posted it would have pretty seriously changed the tone and identity of this blog, my entire existence here. I had it all typed out and finished, hit post, and it turned out the page had been open so long that I'd been logged out and everything reset - wiped. actually shouted into the void and forgotten, lost in cyberguts.

this is a shot at finding somewhere new. I made a little corner on 93 that, honest to god, felt a little like home. I really miss it. I miss being around the digital citizens. they're still there, I'm in the channels, but it's different. for all the same reasons I wrote in those first blogs. it's not that they're doing anything wrong or that it's inferior, nothing like that at all. it's just not how I fit. I like a little social oscillation. move to a distance where people are free and acting however they might feel the need to, and coming in close with precious contact. my life is lived, but my personage and that of others is lingering, to be explored and known in the same moment - wonder.

https://64.media.tumblr.com/cbee9c1e8031cf972d8a5d16a89f65ab/4827dac59a2ceeca-41/s400x600/4b5e922a9a1ca9ca1c20c9b81214025c2b4b0769.png